Call me confused?!

Call me confused then. It seems a little, maybe even a lot selfish to think "What do I want/" I see the wisdom behind it, just not the practicality of it I think. I wonder if maybe it shouldn't be "What can I do?" Just this morning though I was walking through my house cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming floors at 3:00 am because I get up to support my husband. I stopped and said to myself, What the heck are you doing? You do it all yourself, you do everything. I have a water softner that I just need the hoses diconnected so I can haul the sorry thing out of my laundry room (because it has spewed salt everywhere), and I can't even get that done for me. Do I have to hire someone or what? My Christmas lights are not hung, my yard needs attention and I wonder, where is the support for me. Then  realize what you said and it doesn't seem so selfish anymore. I am really struggling today...sorry I am not so upbeat as usual. Len is so stressed, so over worked as the bishop that it is not even funny. He literally has no time at all to be a husband, man about the house, or even to take a poop and read a magazine for 5 minutes. I can't solve any of that for him so I try to be the best support that I can so his load is lighter...but at what cost? Therein lies where I need to find my balance... and this morning I am struggling with that, the tears are very near the surface - wait they are spilling over. I guess I better go see to that. I know what I should do, what I need to do to be happy and I am there most of the time, but sometimes a girl just need to cry. I guess it is time for my morning walk now too so that always puts me in better spirits, I will also re-read your blog post about your flight. Love you and please don't worry I am just fine - really! Just needed to vent for a small luxurious moment!