Close call I'll say!

Wow what an airhead I am! I guess I just picked the first one on top and didn't realize it was public! Ugh! Thanks for once again having my back! I love you post. I wish with all my heart that I could drop everything, and have money to go places with you because it is my dream also! Maybe we could do little things to get away and talk, or something creative that doesn't constitute money. I will ponder on that one. I do hear you about the Bruce thing, it is totally different than my situation with Len. It is a hard thing to deal with or figure out when you 'orbit' in two different worlds. I don't know the answer for you but I am praying for you everyday that you will find that answer for yourself and know when you have found it. You are very correct in the fact that the next few months will tell the tale for sure. Try to keep a positive outlook though, don't let it get you down. The key will be for you to make that plan A and that plan B. Then you have options. Most people get frustrated and even anxious because they don't have a plan A let alone a plan B (mom and dad in particular). I went with them last week for dad to go to the back doctor. If I wouldn't have been there to ask questions they would still be in the dark. If I hadn't insisted the doctor give dad a referral right then to go get aqua therapy they would still be waiting. If I hadn't been there to make them go over and schedule the injections and water therapy, they would still be waiting. Mom has been married to dad for over 50 years, she should know him by now. She says to him, make the appointment - what do you want to do? And then lets it go, if he doesn't make the appointment (which you know he wont or doesn't know how to) then she bad mouths him and cuts him down. Why doesn't she just make it for him? Why doesn't she ask the questions that he doesn't know he needs to ask? Well I understand that she is trying to teach him to be responsible, but dad just won't do it or doesn't know how, he just needs some encouragement and prodding (sad as that is at his age). I said mom why don't you ask the doctor for a referral for you to go to aqua therapy so that you can go together, it would help your back too and the he won't have to do it alone. Nope she wouldn't do that, he can go alone. But then again low and behold Gena is going for therapy on her back (the one she just got compensation for from workman's comp -really?!). So now she and dad will go together, wow that is not what I had in mind but whatever. The whole thing I was getting to is the plan A part, mom and dad don't have a plan A, B or C and so they run in circles bad mouthing each other for what each other does or doesn't do in life. That is sad and it is a place you don't want to be.
I hope that you will find peace in your decisions, in your future, in your life. The things you mentioned that tie you down...some of them are really great. You love your animals, you love your home, you love Colorado. The other things well little by little you can weed our the less important things that bind you down, like your job, your horses, and even your husband (just kidding!). I don't know Bruce well enough but if you sat him down and said, this is what I want to do with the rest of my life, I want you to be part of it. I love you and want a companion to share my happiness with. Are you on board, or are you going to be a by stander? I need someone to have my back and do things with me...is that someone you?
It will be a sad day if Bruce's idea of retirement is to lay on the bed and watch TV, the occasional trip to the barn to putter around, and the daily trip to town to get the paper and coffee,. He will miss out on so much. He just needs to realize how wonderful you are, how much fun he could have with you (because you rock when it comes to doing fun and interesting things.). He just needs to realize this and I am not sure how to do that short of right out telling him. If he can't commit to your dream, your plan, your happiness then I don't know what to tell you. A marriage is a special thing, it is a sacred bond between two people who have promised to love and cherish each other through everything. It is not something to lightly through away. I have given this much thought over the course of the past few months believe me, at the moment it seemed like that was the only answer for me, and sometimes still has an allure! I would love to be free to travel, be with you, follow my dreams (if I knew what they were), or do whatever, whenever I wanted to, but then I would be lonely, without purpose, and without hope. Our mates are our hope and our hearts, we just need to find a way to help them believe that we are the same for them...an ongoing process for sure. When it stops moving forward that is when we call the train master and say hold up we need to regroup and get this train back on the right track. I am not a scholar or good with words. Pretty much I just blurt things out and hope you can make sense of the puzzle. I love you more than words can tell. (Hey did that gift ever come in to Walmart? I checked and it didn't look like it did so I sent them an email to find out what the heck is going on.) Love ya Beanie