Something in the Water

Sometimes we just need to stop and think about things!

There must have been something in the water when I came out to visit. Something that makes you feel unsettled, confused, uneasy, thoughtful, apprehensive, and a need for change. I tried to only drink bottled water...However, I was so blessed to drink deep from the fountain of your knowledge and love. I am always a better person for having spent time with you. Maybe that is why I feel unsettled, I miss you so much. I think the water though had something in it...LOL. I have had a very uneasy, indescribable sense of change since I came home. Things seem so different. I want things to be different, better. I have not put a label on it as you have. I have not come to grips with it as you are doing. Yet it is very real. I posted on my own blog a little of this feeling. I know I need to make a change, I know that I need something more, I know that with a change will come a very hard adjustment for me and those around me. I don't know what that change is, I just feel that it is there, waiting to be discovered. I am not able to really talk about it because I am not sure the source of discontent or uneasieness myself. Since coming home it is business as usual, and I don't want business as usual, I want more. Things at work are good, so it is not that (except they have gone to 5 days a week now and I really need to have a day off by myself to regroup and replenish.) Funnythings is that I am not unhappy.  I am searching my heart, my life, my soul and my needs to find what is making me so unsettled. I had my MRI and am waiting on results. That could be it but I am doubtful it is. Unlike you I don't have enough money to let it all go, yet it is only money and you really don't need a lot of it - I could downsize a lot,( I did talk to Len and said I really want to retire now, and he said so does he. I said give me the word and I will make it happen. That frightened him and that was the end of that conversation.) I am not going to go into the whole dynamics of his calling because you know, sufficeth to say this is where some of the problems come. I will press forward, I will survive as will you. We are fighters, we are survivors, we are strong women - if an obstacle gets in our way we find a way around it or we move it. Case closed. I am here for you if you want to talk. I am praying for you and your decisions. I have every confidence in the world in you that you will make the right choices and will come out on top. You always do...and are better for the experience! Selfishly, I am the recipient of your experience as you always teach me things about life that hadn't thought of, because of your experiences. You are such a great one Ann and I love you tons.