Something in the water for sure

I know when you left it was really hard for me, it always is but this time seemed more difficult, I think I need you a lot more than you think I do.  I'm not really sure what the transition is for either of us.  I didn't quit...yet.  I've almost gotten to the point of being afraid to leave my home, I get a gripping feeling in my chest and stomach and I get afraid.  It might still be partly to do with the puppies, even though I only have Lucy and Green Bean left.  They are both big enough to be left alone, so why am I so anxious?  I think it is partly why I keep doing what I'm doing at work even though I hate it.  I guess I am stuck in my comfort zone, but I really need to push myself out and move on with life.  Unsettled is where I am, nervous with Bruce retiring, but another thing I am noticing is how quickly he is aging right now.  I said something to him tonight, but he just laughed at the thought of it.  He is really restless in the night, snores like crazy (worse than ever) and he talks in his sleep a lot, full conversations that go on and on.  The other night he woke me up singing and that went on for awhile, he never remembers it and can't tell me what he was dreaming about.  Last night he said "you better take good care of her or I will get you and pummel you."  It makes me wonder what is going on in his head.

I just don't quite know what to do, I guess I need to really just stop for awhile and sit quietly and try to listen for an answer, or at least a direction.  I'm looking forward to Hawaii just to get a different perspective on where I am and where I need to be.

I should have called you tonight, but it got late before I got settled, so I will try tomorrow.  I would really appreciate any words of wisdom you might have for me.  It's very evident that I am on my own to take care of myself, so I'm not counting on life changing from that perspective.  I started in on my studies again this week, so at least I have some options.  Maybe I can solve yours and you can solve mine....

I love you tons, please let me know when you have the results of your MRI, okay?  I really can't wait for Spring, we must go on a road trip or a flight to somewhere fun and we really should plan the balloon festival in Albuquerque.